By Geoff Lepper
48minutes.net

By now, you’ve undoubtedly read Marcus Thompson’s blog item regarding the report from Stephen Jackson that Baron Davis wants to be traded back to the Bay less than six months after bolting to go back home.

Aside from the usual eye-rolling that comes with most Baron pronouncements, there’s a very specific and immoveable obstacle to this scenario: BD can’t seriously think that the Warriors (i.e., team president Robert Rowell) — who didn’t want to be on the hook for four fully guaranteed years because of concerns about Davis’ health and motivation — are suddenly going to be willing to pay for FIVE seasons.

Here, then, is a helpful guide to 30 things more likely to happen than Baron Davis coming back to the Bay:

1) Barack Obama arrives at the White House on the afternoon of Jan. 20, spots George Bush ducking out the back door, tosses him the keys and says, “You can keep it. I just got Hank Paulson’s last report, and I’m outta here.”

2) Tracy McGrady and Vince Carter each play 82 games — in the same season.

3) Clay Bennett goes bankrupt and the City of Seattle picks up the Thunder for $42,598 plus court costs in an Oklahoma City repo auction.

4) Warrior fans make it through a broadcast without being reminded that they’re missing (insert number here) points per game.

5) Larry Brown quits the Bobcats out of sheer frustration with Sean May.

(Wait, that one could actually happen.)

6) The L wakes up to the fact that Kevin Garnett has crossed the line from “hard-nosed” to “wantonly overaggressive” and finally takes some punitive action.

7) Allen Iverson takes two weeks off from the Pistons, undergoes 274 laser treatments and comes back without any tattoos.

8 ) Jose Calderon misses a free throw. But only one.

9) Gilbert Arenas announces that he’s quitting the NBA to switch to blogging full-time.

10) Jamal Crawford starts to play lockdown defense.

11) Barry Bonds is named the San Francisco Giants’ new strength and conditioning coach.

12) Kobe Bryant drops 71 on the Suns, then tells a live ABC audience: “Shaq, your ass taste like chicken. At least, that’s what Steve Nash said.”

13) Al Harrington tells Jackson that he’d like to come back to the Warriors, too.

14) Erick Dampier acknowledges that he hasn’t played up to the seven-year, $73 million deal he signed in 2004 and gives Mark Cuban an oversized posterboard check for $30 million in a halftime ceremony at a Mavericks home game.

15) Cuban’s attorneys immediately take half as a retainer.

16) The San Jose Sharks…

Without even a pretense of having something at the top, here’s today’s installment of your faithful reporter’s quest to prognosticate all 1,230 NBA regular-season games this season:

76ers (2-5) at Raptors (4-3), 4:05 p.m.
Pick: Raptors -6
Kevin Garnett? Pfffft. Now, if Jose Calderon can get the ever-placid Elton Brand to wag a finger in his face, that’d be something impressive.

Hawks (6-0) at Celtics (7-1), 4:35 p.m.
Pick: Celtics -10.5
If Atlanta really can be this good for 82 games, I might have to seriously revise my opinion of Mike Bibby.

Pacers (3-3) at Nets (2-4), 4:35 p.m.
Pick: Nets +1.5
I shouldn’t fall into this trap, but I’m going to anyway.

Lakers (6-0) at Hornets (4-2), 5:05 p.m.
Pick: Lakers +1
L.A. is 5-1 against the spread this season, and the only loss was by one point (they beat Denver by 7 while laying 8).

Trail Blazers (4-3) at Heat (4-3), 5:05 p.m.
Pick: Heat -1.5
Greg Oden comes back, but for how long? Three games? Six?

Spurs (2-4) at Bucks (3-5), 5:05 p.m.
Pick: Spurs -2.5
So, was that win over New York an aberration, or a return to form for the Spurs’ shooters?

Magic (4-3) at Thunder (1-6), 5:05 p.m.
Pick: Magic -7
Nick Collison should get paid double for the abuse he’s about to take.

Jazz (6-1) at Wizards (0-5), 5:05 p.m.
Pick: Jazz -4.5
Has a team gone from splashing out huge wads of cash to fighting to keep from falling into inevitable rebuilding mode faster than the Wizards?

Knicks (4-3) at Grizzlies (3-5), 5:05 p.m.
Pick: Knicks +4.5
I hadn’t realized until right now that the Knicks really don’t have a single legitimate shot-blocker. They’re still in single-digits as a team (9), through seven games. Makes me wonder if Mike D’Antoni told Chris Duhon on the day he signed, “Welcome aboard. Don’t ever, ever, EVER, EVER, EVER let your man get by you.”

Kings (3-5) at Clippers (1-6), 7:35 p.m.
Pick: Clippers -7
The Kings disappointed me last night by kicking away what should have been a sure cover in the final minutes. I’m not sure if this is the right response, but so be it.

Rockets (4-3) at Suns (6-2), 7:35 p.m.
Picks: Rockets +3.5
This is one of about four games I’ve flipped back and forth. I’ll be fascinated to watch Matt Barnes and Ron Artest, two of the league’s more combustible personalities on the floor, going head-to-head.

Yesterday: 6-2
Season record: 50-54-1

– Geoff

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